I am a single parent, with a son who's suffering from MAJOR REJECTION by his biological father, Elijah Maxey, Jr. AKA JOBBA. I have chosen to do this blog, because of the suffering, pain, and illness this level of rejection has caused him and the ones who love him. The way I see it, is that there is NO EXCUSE for rejecting your own child. Jobba has many, but none of them are valid reasons for not returning the Love that his son, Kyle, is trying to give and get. Since I can remember, Kyle has always verbally communicated his strong desire for his Daddy...only to receive rejection in return. I have offered Jobba the option of no child support order in return for just being an active father to his own son. He refused. When Kyle was 11 years old, I got a child support order. Jobba will not even call his son on his Birthdays. When my son turned 17, Jobba did not call Kyle. Kyle told me, "he (Jobba) is the only man on this Earth that I love; I just don't understand why he don't love me back!" We cried together, and I apologized for his pain and my mistakes. He waited up all night for his father to call him, but he never did. I even called Jobba and asked if he could please call his son, and he lied to his mother by saying he did call Kyle. My son has dealt with this treatment for a long time, and also has to deal with the display of love and affection Jobba shows his stepson, Tavon....whom Kyle has grown to hate. Jobba has another child, and he treats her a just little bit better than Kyle.
No longer able to cope with the pain of rejection, my son began to abuse drugs. Initially, he only had emotional and behavioral problems, but it grew into uncontrollable anger and rage. My son is getting treatment, but nothing can take the place of his Earthly father in his life, loving as hard as needed, and supporting his son through unconditional love. KYLE POURED HIS HEART OUT TO JOBBA, CRYING AND BEGGING FOR JOBBA'S LOVE, BUT HE WOULDN'T EVEN HUG HIS SON OR REASSURE HIM THAT HE DOES LOVE HIM....ALL HE DID WAS SPIT VENOM ABOUT ME! I have begged Jobba to just see if he could pretend to love his son for his son's benefit, and HE STILL WILL NOT DO ANYTHING TO SHOW THAT HE EVEN LIKES HIS SON.
So many of our children suffer like my son, and so many parents suffer like me. The deadbeat parent gets away with attempted murder, neglect, and abuse. I say attempted murder, because this is killing our children......our FUTURE. Our children are commiting suicide and homicides because of this empty void in there lives....little direction......little hope. A missing parent is very dangerous for our children, but the rejection is FATAL!
13 comments:
I think you are correct in your observation. My heart goes out to Kyle.
I can almost feel his pain, and yours. GOD is in the plan for Kyle.
I feel every part of your pain....GOD has you and Kyle covered....The same way he kept Tony with me he will keep Kyle with you. Lift your head cause you have been a GREAT mom...keep pushing and know that GOD has your back...I love you with the love of GOD and of course family. Stay strong.
I understand how Kyle must feel, in feeling the pain of rejection from his dad. Kyle must find his strength in GOD and keep his eyes focus on him. Only GOD can heal his pain and give him a peaceful understanding. When we give our life to the lord, he will take back everything that the devil has stolen. Emotional health, Physical health, Relationships, and Homes. He will cancel every plot, plan or scheme the enenmy has devised against us in the name of Jesus. Never blame yourself, but find direction in GOD and allow him to direct your path. There are churches that have positive male role models for Kyle. Through GOD your children,household, health, relationships,siblings, parents will be blessed. GOD will never forsake you and your son. Kyle darkness will turn to light. my prayers are constantly with you and your family. Love Your Sister Cassandra
I feel very sad that men now days do that to their children, but I have to said that GOD have a plan for Kyle. I know is really hard for a mother to see her child suffer, but she has to be strong to help her son. I have faith that GOD will help you both to solve this problem.
I think Kyle dad needs to focus on relevant issues going on in his sons life. Giving his son basic emotional support is the foundation that he needs to deal with world issues. Prioritizing his life is the first step. Constanting making excuses for not visiting or calling is not fair, while building a life with a wife and children. Maybe Kyle's dad has not grown up yet. He needs to seek GOD in his life. I have seen and watch my sister struggle to maintain unity in the household and it is hard without support. Everyone is not blessed to have a positve male role model as many people may suggest. But the answer is in GOD and trusting in him to find a way to give your son peace and to be the man his father is not.
Words of empowerment from my friend Trish Manson:
WOW, I must say sometimes(most of the time)mothers have to become fathers and I can understand the mother wanted the son to have a relationship with his father but the rejection that he(the father) and she (the mother) bestowed on that child
is something awful you can't force the unknown the father knows he has a child 17 years ago and whatever has been going on in his father life for him to totally reject his own child is unknown but I understand for my mom and I went through this until I was 21 that's when I met my Dad and now we have a okay relationship WOW just think about it WHAT IF GOD REJECTS HIS CHILDREN (WHAT A MESS WE WOULD HAVE)God see the known and the unknown he knows and he will handle his business don't think for one minute that father(Jobba) doesn't have a conscience and don't love his child that child is the fruit of his labor and is always in his HEART.
PRAYING TIME
I'M TOUCHING AND AGREEING ASKING GOD TO DELIVER THAT CHILD FOR ALL THINGS THAT IS NOT OF GOD THE DRUGS FEELING NEGLECT WHATEVER IT IS THE IS NOT ALLOWING HIS LIGHT TO SHINE FATHER GIVE THAT CHILD GUIDANCE SO HE MAY SEE THINGS IN A BRIGHTER LIGHT ALLOW HIM TO LOVE HIS FATHER WITHOUT PAIN AS YOU LOVE US HELP HIS FATHER TO SEE THE DESIRES THAT HIS SON HAS FOR HIM GOD LET YOUR LIGHT SHINE IN HIM MAKE IT BRIGHT SO BRIGHT THAT JOBBA SEES IT RIGHT NOW GOD I KNOW YOU MOVE MOUNTAINS I'M ASKING IN YOUR NAME FATHER THAT YOU COME AND MOVE THOSE DARK CLOUDS FROM AROUND YOUR CHILD LET HIS LIGHT SHINE LET HIM SEE YOUR GLORY AND FATHER AS YOU BRIGHTEN HIS LIFE ALSO OPEN HIS FATHERS HEART UP RIGHT NOW IN YOUR NAME JESUS OPEN HIS HEART AND EYES UP RIGHT NOW AS I PRAY THERE'S NO POWER GREATER THAN YOURS AND THE DEVIL IS A LIAR FATHER FULL THAT CHILD'S LIFE WITH YOUR GLORY LET HIM WALK IN STRIDE KNOWING YOU HAVE FULL CONTROL MAKE IS SO FULL THAT THERE MAY BE NO ROOM FOR THE DEVIL TO EVEN BLINK ON THIS CHILD LIFE FATHER ALSO I ASK IN YOUR NAME GIVE HIS MOTHER SOME UNDERSTANDING THAT LIFE IS NOT PERFECT BUT ALLOW YOUR LOVE TO SHINE ON HER ALSO AND LET HER KNOW THAT NO MATTER WHAT YOU HAVE ALL POWER IN YOUR NAME FATHER IN YOU NAME THANKS IN ADVANCE FOR HEALING KYLE ALL PRAISE AND GLORY AMEN
Black Men as a whole need to realize how our actions can be passed on both indirectly and directly to our younger generations. Too many bad traits are being passed on and not enough good.I am not a father yet but I have two sisters that are mothers making me an uncle to 2 nephews and 1 niece.All 3 of there fathers are not around. Financially or time wise and its unfortunate b/c they're missing out.You can never make a man be a man. God has a plan for Kyle like "ygf" said, but most importantly, he has one for Kyle's father as well. God has a way of making you see the wrong in your ways.
Kyle is in my prayers.
-Brandon H.
This another comment for my GOD niece Ashley McGrew.
Faith ; female 22
When I read this article I was very saddened. I know what it is like to grow up in a single parent household, and experience rejection from your own flesh and blood. I am praying for your family’s emotional and physical well-being. Sometimes it takes others longer than we expect to cope with life’s storms. I also grew up in single parent house hold. I was told by my mother I had met my father more than a few times when I was younger. I could only remember seeing him when I was about 10. Until then I always thought that my younger sister’s father was my biological father. He was the only man I could account for in my life as being a father figure. Although I could account for him, he was not active in my life as a father or role model. He always made empty promises; birthday’s, holiday’s, money, gifts that were never seen. He became a phone dad he would call frequently but never visit. You would think he lived in another state or country.
My mother frequently had talks with me just like you and Kyle; to try to explain his behavior- there was no excuse. So by the time I met my biological father, I was yearning for him to repair the damage that had already been done. That was however not the case. He was even more distant than my stepfather- and he felt that showing up every couple of years with some money would make for the time lost. I would even receive threatening phone calls from his wife and children which I had never met to stay away and not to call my biological father. My father has never called or visited during the holidays or birthdays and it bothered me a lot until I entered high school. I became so involved in extra curricular activities and the events of teenage life (and now just my own adult life) that I no longer thought about the pain and rejection they had both caused me. I developed an attitude that my two fathers missed out on a very successful, educated young lady with a promising future. I have all the love and support that I need from my own family. Instead, I became very upset with the emotional distress my sister began to develop from the same rejection and empty promises of a phone dad. And even though I can tell her what it’s like and how I dealt with the storm. She will have to build her own fortress and ask god to see her through.
I pray that both she & Kyle develop the strength to see that there does not have to be a void in your heart or life. If you ask God for what it is that you want and need- he will provide. I hope that you & Kyle can find the same comfort I found in your personal testimony. There our many single parent households with children and parents that experience rejection and pain from those that they love- you are not in this battle alone.
Here is another email from my co-worker called "D"
my heart goes out to you and your son. I could understand this situation because I am also a single parent. I also feel as you do, about the love a father should have for their child. my daughter is the most loving and wonderful child, and I have always felt that her father does "just" what he is supposed to do and sometimes not even that. he never helps her with homework, if he is to busy on the weekends he has her, he will not take her to her games and he will bring her home late and doesn't bother to call. He will only text-message me, we never have conversations anymore about our daughter. he is now remarried and expecting another child and my daughter says,"mom I know why you are not married to dad anymore-- because he is not nice and doesn't talk nice to people". it's said when an eight year old sees that already in life!! I always tell her be happy with who you are and be proud of yourself. truly she is afraid of her dad and I can't change that but when I drop her off to see him for the weekend she is happy to go be with him, but when she comes home there is always a reason why she didn't have fun or doesn't want to go there. so I just let her know she can come to me for anything and trust me to say what she needs to get off of her chest sometimes and just know in my heart it won't always be this way for her. all we can do is LOVE our children and let them know we are there for them no matter what.
im sorry yo hear whats going on..my name is artie..i know jobba,,,we were teammates and best of friends in mexico where we played basketball together..this doesnt sound like him but u never know what happens to a person over the years...tell him to give me a call 804 640 2246...maybe i can help..
tell jabba to give me a call...804 640 2246,we played pro basketball together in mexico,and were roomates and were like brothers...over the years shit happens and we fell out of touch..im sorry about whats going on..maybe i can help...
hey,how are you..you probally dont know me ,but me and elijah were like brothers when we first met in texas at a pro b-ball camp,,we later became roommates in mexico playing ball in 1996..ran into him at the allstar game in cali...but lost his #..i dont know what happenned over the years but every night he talked about his family ...would like to talk to him to see where his head is at...im sorry for what is going on with that situation .call me at 804 640 2246...my name is artie...would like to speak to him and see what is going on..thank you..
u need to stop it klye has been under u r care 4 19 years dont blame his behavior on jobba blame it on you crazy self u use to tell him bad things about his dad when he was 3 years old u made up a person to kyle now he thinking dats how jobba is but hes not and u no it u really need to stop cause kyle dont think u love him either!! u messed dat boy up with that crazy stuff u b on u need to have took time out with yo son instead of making other kids !!!!
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